Trend Alert: Turtlenecks

"In 2018, what we NEED to start talking about is neck health"

- Literally no one. No one has ever said this. 


If you live in NYC then you're currently dealing with below freezing wind chill temperatures, snow banks for sidewalks, and Sarah Jessica Parker 'Sarah Jessica Parker-ing' through the streets of the village somehow perpetually in heels and a LBD (remind me to tell you about how I saw SJP literally being chased down the street by a tourist with a telephoto lens, and a mother who left her baby unattended in an open mini van. REMIND. ME. TO. TELL. YOU). 

If that all weren't enough you're probably also out here in these streets without proper neck coverage, and to that I say NO LONGER MY GOOD (wo)MAN! No more will you have to feel the icy kiss of the bitter winter wind upon your décolletage once you check out the selection of cute but affordable knit foreskins...I mean...turtlenecks.


1. J Crew - $35

I actually saw a girl in my office wearing this contrast piping ribbed turt from JCrew and I audibly screamed aloud. Ok, yes, it was in the elevator vestibule, and she didn't know me, and now absolutely thinks that I'm insane; but thats just what good knitwear can do, ya know? 

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2. Madewell - $35

In so far as sweater weather wear (say that 3x's fast I dare you) goes, Madewell is the staple among women that love the idea of being preppy but can't actually bring themselves to wear Sam Edelman sandals, like, in public, where people can see them. Its the sleeper cell of fast fashion retail where all of a sudden you find yourself saying "oh its from...Madewell" at least 3x's a week. 

I myself have ventured into the 2-floor Madewell 5th Ave location and come out with 3 scarves, 2 pairs of black jeans, earrings, and absolutely no recollection of the preceding half hour. I do however wish that in my fugue state I'd also reached for this striped number in ~whisper cotton~. Oh nooooooo now I have to go back! *audible wink*

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3. Everlane - $125

Okkkaaaaayyy sue me, I JUST discovered Everlane. Well, not just, but I definitely could have been hitting that 'Im-Too-Culottes-For-You' aesthetic all last summer. I shalt not make the same mistake twice. 

If you haven't heard of them either, don't despair we both get a pass, since it wasn't until late 2017 that they established a brick and mortar presence at 28 Prince St in Soho. However, now that you know, there no excuse to still be caught out in these streets in anything but their uber cool basics. 

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4. COS -$190

I know what you're thinking: 

"Cashmere...? for only $190...? I STILL CANT AFFORD IT"

Fair. BUT you've got to feel it in person! Its like, running water. Its like, a cool woolen breeze. Its exactly the hand feel of what I imagine an invisibility cloak, a-la the wonderful wizarding world of Harry Potter, would provide as Im slipping it over myself to get out of plans that I'd made with friends earlier in the week, forgot about, and now would - most literally- rather be hit by a bus than attend. 

COS (the higher-end brand owned by H&M) has always provided the perfect boxy fits in lux fabrics for a sooommeewhat reasonable price - and sometimes the only price they know is $99 whether its a T-shirt or a square chiffon button down. Its really hit or miss. 

But if you've got the dough, then this turtle is a certified must. 

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5. Zara - $45.90

I really tried to keep Zara off the list since, given their rate of turnover, this will probably be replaced by a completely new collection before I finish typing this sentence. But ALAS I broke down and had to include this oversized roll collar turt-tie. 

It is my personal goal to be near constantly enveloped in bolts of fabric so oversized that I can do nothing but drape it off one shoulder, hunch my back, and look as frail as possible--have you seen Ariana Grandes instagram? that but poor (@arianagrande). 

With literally no facts to support my assertion, Im confident in saying that the above is a universally held feeling, and I can finally share my obsession of 'always looking cold' with the world. The first step is that you're going to want to get to Zara and immediately buy one of each color of this sweater. That way, for the rest of the winter when you're curled up in a chair at a bar, people will know without asking, that the girl in the roll knit sweater is not only the coldest girl in the room, but quite obviously, also the coolest

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By: Issues Blog Staff Writer