February Horoscope '18: You're welcome in advance for my sage wisdomous advice

Aries February Horoscope

Ok the beginning of the month was a little cuckoo bananas for you, but don't blame yourself if you thought it'd be a good idea to wear clogs. The past full moon threw all of your senses out of wack. You've already got a lot going on and with that pesky moon bringing together Mercury in Sagittarius, expect some sparks to fly. I suggest you start planning your outfits ahead of time. It may seem foggy in the beginning of the month if you're already thinking about planning your spring/summer look, but I would hold off on making any big purchases until next month. The new moon solar eclipse on Feb 15 is telling you to sit back, and let the right trends come to you. Then once the sun comes out in March- CRUSH IT.


Taurus February Horoscope

Well look at you, all busy and popular, and social and stuff. The beginning of the month is your time to go out and be SEEN. That means theres still time to break out that winter look that you saw that one time on IG; do it. Just in time for you to be looking cute too since on the 10th when Venus enters Pisces, you could get the proverbial right swipe you've been waiting for. The new moon and solar eclipse on Feb 15 could lead to some breakthroughs - like maybe cropped jeans just aren't for everyone? But ya know, whatever works for you. Taurus, this month is all about fun, socializing, and most importantly making sure that you look cute while doing it (why else go outside?). Mix it up! Wear those "work pants" with a band tee, indulge in something you've had your eye on, go to that place and do that thing and meet those people; just remember to have fun. You deserve it! (and even if you don't deserve it have fun anyway because you're an adult and you can do whatever you want)


Gemini February Horoscope    

Maybe once this week just like, DON'T go to happy hour. I get it ok, its not your fault that you're popular IM FAMILIAR with that problem (lol jk I actually have 3 friends). Im just letting you know that the new moon on the 15th is coming round the mountain, and when she gets here you're going to want to have your sh*t together. Im not saying you have to be a dud for the rest of the month, and nobody loves a good DTN (thats day to night - Its like, industry lingo, whatever im like, cool)  look more than I. Just make sure that the next day at work you're still not in your night look. Its been going pretty chill for you this month, but if you've got a goal in mind for the near future, stop online shopping, put your gd card away, and buckle down till the 25th when Mercury teams up with Neptune for some bow-chicka-wow-wow good vibes for you.  


Cancer February Horoscope

Are....are you ok? January seemed like a real doozy for you Cancers. If you put yourself on the line last month and didn't get the answer you wanted, well...join the club, but also don't let it get you down too much. Thats why we have material things to fill the voids in ourselves left by major emotional trauma. If you just keep saying "self care" every time you buy something, then did you even buy it? Think about that...wait...actually don't. Theres a new moon on the 15th and with it, there may very well be a new you too. You got this!
 
Leo February Horoscope
So you know how you've been doing that thing that Leo's do where they think they're the center of the universe and don't listen to anyone else because you think you're right all the time? Yeah, how's that working out for you? If you came out of January with a mess of a situation, nows the time to take a step back and reevaluate what you've been telling yourself. If stripes aren't for you, then listen sweetie, they're just not going to happen. Im a real friend, I'll tell you the hard truths. On the 18th the sun enters Pisces, and its time for a change. Like Michael Jackson said in that song, you know the one,  "something something something you gotta look at yourself , and make a change!" wow...touching...gets me every time. 

Virgo February Horoscope

Do it. Buy it. Uh huh. You've been talking about redoing your look, and this is the month to start. Why stop with your clothes though? Makeover your bedroom and create a space that you really love, make over your spouse if you have one, and if you don't, just make over someone else spouse until they say "please leave me alone, I don't know you, how did you get in my house". On the 15th the new moon will bring new clarity, and if you've been relying on red lipstick as a security blanket, nows the time to switch to a matte nude. Its ok. You'll be ok. Whatever you've been holding on to, just let it go.


Libra February Horoscope

Whoah whoah whoah, how about you take a second and just like, calm the fuck down. Breathe. Its going to be ok. The full moon in January really had you tripping, but if you can find some time to practice some mindfulness then you'll get to the answer you're looking for. Why don't you participate in some calming activities that'll help you clear your head. You could reorganize your closet, get rid of some old clothes you never wear, and then come to my house and start on my room. The new moon on the 15th will bring about a much clearer head space so try not to make any rash emotional decisions before then. Asymmetrical zippers might look good in the store-- actually, what, no they don't what am I saying. Just take a chill pill the beginning of this month because by the time the 21st comes around and Venus and Neptune get together, you'll have a renewed sense of vim and vigor. Remember though, zippers are never the answer. 

Scorpio February Horoscope

You're doing it! I believe in you! We all believe in you! You're really about your business right now, and that's great! You've got a cause, and you've got a fire burning inside you, just don't let that fire get out of control with all of those pesky emotions that are also going on in there. It's time to think things through logically, and let your emotions carry the flame alongside, and not just burn the whole place down as per usual. The new moon on the 15th may bring up some relationship issues, but be the bigger person, wear a cuter outfit, and generally continue being the shining star example of perfection that you've always been. What's that now? Biased? Me? Just because I'm a Scorpio? HOW DARE YOU SAY SOMETHING SO TRUE. HERE. IN FRONT OF ALL MY FRIEND singular.


Sagittarius February Horoscope
You were quite the busy little bee in January weren't you? Now look at you, running around like a crazy person these first few days of February because the eclipse at the end of last month just came along and threw the cards all over the place. You've been trying to be superwoman/man and the new moon on the 15th will bring some time for you to take a load off. The Moon-Jupiter quincunx (Yes. Quincunx.) will bring some self doubt, but I absolutely don't think those shoes make you look like you have kankles and you shouldn't believe that little voice in your head either. Shake. it. off. you're. good. You're not just good, you're GRRRR-FINE! (I reconsidered since I didn't want Kellogg to sue me). 


Capricorn February Horoscope

Keep exploring. Keep having fun. 2017 was a rough year all around, so you've got the right idea to just go where the wind blows you this month. Valentines Day (not ValentiMes. If I hear someone say Valentimes day I will flip out. I'll do it. I'll flip.) is right around the corner and if you're single then good for you because it's a no stress all fun kind of time for you. If you're not single, well nobody feels bad for you because you've found someone to love you. On the 25th the sun sextiles Saturn (thats what she said) and may bring up some challenges that you're more than ready to crush. Did someone say power clashing prints? FINISHHHH HIIIMMM. 

Aquarius February Horoscope

Pump ya breaks. You're trying to go one way, everything else is going the other, and the imaginary sound of a manual transmission car being blown out is grating on my eardrums as I type this. You can't control everything, so instead just try to focus on having fun. That dreaded issue hanging over you will still be there after you go out for restaurant week. The end of the month with a Uranus square, may make you feel a little self conscious on something you've been working on, but you made it through this sentence without laughing at the word Uranus so, you see, you're already doing better than me!


Pisces February Horoscope

Ok, let's do this. Let's get it all out there. You've got some decisions to make, but hey...hey you...incase you haven't noticed your emotional state may be just a toooouuucch too much right now. Im not judging, I'm literally, not figuratively, always on the verge of tears. Its best for you however to save any really important life choices until this emotional frenzy of yours passes. The 15th will bring a new moon, and a new start. Also, how's that birthday planning going? Is it a big one? Are you feeling anxious? Got any concrete plans? Do you want me to stop asking you questions since this is a horoscope and not an interrogation? Well all this mental anguish you're putting in is really going to pay off once you enter your next year. Good for you. OH AND HAPPY BIRTHDAY IF I DON'T SEE YOU!
 

 

 

I cannot express enough how much for entertainment purposes ONLY these are. While based on actual horoscopes from horoscope.com I'm not magic. But oh my gosh how great would it be if I was? Like UNLIMITED MOZZARELLA STICKS, oh and like world peace or whatever, but really the mozzies. A man can dream. 

 

Jonathan Bell